I wish I had written more in the past year, but unfortunately I never had my mind fresh enough to do it. It's not like now I have it, but I need to express my frustration somehow now. At work things are not going well for many reasons that honestly I don't feel like writing down now. It's easier for me just to admit that anything is going well at the moment and the level of stress is so high from so long that I almost forgot how it is to feel good.
The main thing is that I try my best to keep every aspect of my life balanced, but the results are just more misunderstandings and consequentially more stress. It's not that I don't want to fight for what I want, it's just that there are so many battles to fight that I don't think I have the strenght to face them all at the same time.
It's not easy to stay with me or around me at the moment and also I don't ffeel like I'm totally understood by the people that should do that. It's not an accusation, it's just a fact. And I'm not blaming anyone of that, as I wrote before, it's not easy for anyone to be next to me now.
Going to the gym is the only thing that keeps my mind away from troubles at the moment and that's why it has become fundamental for me to keep working out as much as I can, because it's a matter of mental stability at the moment. The results for my body are good, slowly but constantly I'm reaching at least the target of a better appearence, a tiny satisfaction compared to the situation that my life has become.
Sharing a house has become a big issue at the moment, because even if I try to mediate between the two arguing components, I end up being in the middle and the messanger between the two parts. I like to have good relationships with everyone, but apparently this is not always possible, even if you are not directly involved it the argument, somebody will always try to take you in and to take a position. Is it so hard to understand that I don't have a position just because I don't care about the argument's topic?
Some people don't get that they can't fight for every single stupidity and they end up fighting on every single one of them, wich is , let's say "ok" if this doesn't turn somebody else's life into hell.
No one of the people in my life can be described as "bad", it's just that in this moment nobody seems to fit with my needs, wich doesn't mean that they have to cheer me up or something, but just that at the moment I feel like I'm not available to live all this stress coming from someone else's fights, being then unable to deal with my personal issues. I know it may sound selfish (and probably is), but I feel like I'm useless to everyone if I don't fix myself first.
4/3/13
1/20/12
Random thoughts.
I was going to write something down like one day ago. I felt like I was in the mood for writing but then...nothing. I have a lot of thoughts running into my mind but basically I can't find one that is worth to write down. I mean, it's not like there's a lot goin' on in my life this days, but still I wanted to communicate something. I've been working like a dog in the last days and two weeks seems like ages when you are waiting for your holidays. I was supposed to go to Tokyo with a coleague this time but at the moment he's at the hospital, trying to heal from pneumonia. I hope he gets well soon, but at the moment my plans are screwed. In the end I guess I'm gonna go for a visit at my parents' house. It's not exciting like going to the other part of the world but still, I want to see them and check how they are doin'.
In the past weeks I had a chance to go out clubbin' and I did it. Me and one of my spanish flatmates went to a club called "Salsa", in Soho, central London. Nice latin-american music, nice chicks and, I have to say it, very nice red wine. Not that the 2 bottles we had at home before we went there were bad. Pre-drinking is a must if you don't want to spend a gazillion pounds on the same shit you could buy in a random grocery shop.
Let's start saying that I can't dance salsa, I'm not a totally bad dancer, I mean, at least I can follow the rithm somehow. As I told you before the music was nice and the place was extremely hot. My clothes were totally wet and I was so that for a second I thought I was turning into Aquaman.
Sweat stories apart, I met a thai girl in the club and I started dancing with her. The morning after I was living her apartment without remembering her name or having her number. I'm not proud of that but hangover didn't allow me to even think about talking when we said goodbye.
Last week I've also lost 5 more kilos for a total amount of 46 kgs lost in just one year. I'm kinda proud of myself even if I admit I haven't lost 'em in the bast way for my health. My body is changed a lot in the last year and I'm not used to the way it looks now, yet. My life and self exteem are finally finding some satisfaction, but honestly I don't feel totally happy. I still need to start with the gym, because I've lost weight but also muscolar tone, and that's not good, plus I still feel like i miss something.
I should think about that very deeply, just to find out what can I do to make my life better once for all.
In the past weeks I had a chance to go out clubbin' and I did it. Me and one of my spanish flatmates went to a club called "Salsa", in Soho, central London. Nice latin-american music, nice chicks and, I have to say it, very nice red wine. Not that the 2 bottles we had at home before we went there were bad. Pre-drinking is a must if you don't want to spend a gazillion pounds on the same shit you could buy in a random grocery shop.
Let's start saying that I can't dance salsa, I'm not a totally bad dancer, I mean, at least I can follow the rithm somehow. As I told you before the music was nice and the place was extremely hot. My clothes were totally wet and I was so that for a second I thought I was turning into Aquaman.
Sweat stories apart, I met a thai girl in the club and I started dancing with her. The morning after I was living her apartment without remembering her name or having her number. I'm not proud of that but hangover didn't allow me to even think about talking when we said goodbye.
Last week I've also lost 5 more kilos for a total amount of 46 kgs lost in just one year. I'm kinda proud of myself even if I admit I haven't lost 'em in the bast way for my health. My body is changed a lot in the last year and I'm not used to the way it looks now, yet. My life and self exteem are finally finding some satisfaction, but honestly I don't feel totally happy. I still need to start with the gym, because I've lost weight but also muscolar tone, and that's not good, plus I still feel like i miss something.
I should think about that very deeply, just to find out what can I do to make my life better once for all.
12/4/11
The Perfect One
I know, I know, there are loads of things I could talk about after ages I've been missing from the blog, but I wanna focus on something I was thinking about lately. The perfect person for each one of us. Does it really exist? Is it possible that in a world populated by billions of people, only one (or a few of them) are ment for us? I can just tell you my opinion as a straight guy, based on what I've seen so far.
When you are 10 you don't really know what love is, you don't care either. It's none of your business. You just want to keep on playing with you fuckin' toys and the only relationship you can think about is the one between your nose and your finger, wich risks to become a threesome with your brain if you keep digging.
Then you turn 15 and find out that the thing between you legs doesn't give you happy feelings just when you use it to write down your name in pee on the snow. But that's a bad period for a boy to be in love. At that age the distance between penis, heart and brain can only be measured with the help of a microscope. Sometimes you think your heart is pulsing, but you're just having a boner. Some other time you cry "because your feelings are hurt" by a girl who refused you, but you just have blue balls. Ok, ok I know it may sound rude and insensitive, but basically what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to understand love when half of your decisions are based on your hormones.
After age 15 I guess it depends on each one of us. Some of us grow up watching romantic comedies and fall in love with the first girl that remind us of Julia Roberts, 'till when we finally find out they really are like Julia Roberts, but the "Pretty Woman" version, a bunch of whores. Still too cynical? I just write what I see.
The ones that usually don't like "pretty women", become themselves menwhores. I mean that kind of guys that sleep with everything that moves, breath and has the right amount of boobs to be considered a woman. They don't like long lasting ralationship, the intercourse it's long enough to be considered a relationship. Unfortunately for them, they all end crying for the first woman who treats them the same way.
There are a few of us that, around the age of 19, fall in love, start a long relationship that leads to the wedding at the age of 25-28. WWF is protecting them now and I guess they are all hidden somewhere in the North Pole, drinking hot chocolate and cuddlind the shit out of each other. Really, I'm sorry, but I can't help being gross.
What about the rest of us? What happens to us after we have been screwed so many times that when we just hear the word love, we instinctively put our hands behind our backs, protecting our asses?
The sad truth is that, even if most of us play the part of the tough guy who hasn't got feelings, we are all looking for the same thing: the perfect woman. It doesn't matter how bad it was to be with someone last time. We don't care if they cheated on us, turned into lesbians or else, we just wont a woman that makes us feel loved. Yeah, I said that! Yeah it's lame, but you know it's true. The only problem now is: where the fuck this ladies are? and also, are we sure we haven't found 'em already and we just screwed everything up?
We never surrend, that's the fact! Is it masochism? I don't think so. I think is just part of the pursuit of happyness. Sad to admit, but a man without a woman it's like batman without his belt: an idiot in tights. We need women, they make our lives less fucked up than they should. But still: does the perfect one exists?
I think she does, it's just hard to have the right amount of luck when we meet her and the strenght to fight for her if required by the situation. My worse nightmare is to have found her already, and to have wasted the opportunity to be perfect together.
How many perfect women will we meet in our life? I guess you are lucky if you find one in your whole life. You can fall in love how many times as you like, but if she's not the one, you'll know it from deep inside of you.
I don't know how many bullshits I wrote down tonight but now it's time to go to sleep over it, hoping she's doing the same thing somewhere in this world. I'll do my best to keep this blog updated as much as I can, have a good one folks.
When you are 10 you don't really know what love is, you don't care either. It's none of your business. You just want to keep on playing with you fuckin' toys and the only relationship you can think about is the one between your nose and your finger, wich risks to become a threesome with your brain if you keep digging.
Then you turn 15 and find out that the thing between you legs doesn't give you happy feelings just when you use it to write down your name in pee on the snow. But that's a bad period for a boy to be in love. At that age the distance between penis, heart and brain can only be measured with the help of a microscope. Sometimes you think your heart is pulsing, but you're just having a boner. Some other time you cry "because your feelings are hurt" by a girl who refused you, but you just have blue balls. Ok, ok I know it may sound rude and insensitive, but basically what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to understand love when half of your decisions are based on your hormones.
After age 15 I guess it depends on each one of us. Some of us grow up watching romantic comedies and fall in love with the first girl that remind us of Julia Roberts, 'till when we finally find out they really are like Julia Roberts, but the "Pretty Woman" version, a bunch of whores. Still too cynical? I just write what I see.
The ones that usually don't like "pretty women", become themselves menwhores. I mean that kind of guys that sleep with everything that moves, breath and has the right amount of boobs to be considered a woman. They don't like long lasting ralationship, the intercourse it's long enough to be considered a relationship. Unfortunately for them, they all end crying for the first woman who treats them the same way.
There are a few of us that, around the age of 19, fall in love, start a long relationship that leads to the wedding at the age of 25-28. WWF is protecting them now and I guess they are all hidden somewhere in the North Pole, drinking hot chocolate and cuddlind the shit out of each other. Really, I'm sorry, but I can't help being gross.
What about the rest of us? What happens to us after we have been screwed so many times that when we just hear the word love, we instinctively put our hands behind our backs, protecting our asses?
The sad truth is that, even if most of us play the part of the tough guy who hasn't got feelings, we are all looking for the same thing: the perfect woman. It doesn't matter how bad it was to be with someone last time. We don't care if they cheated on us, turned into lesbians or else, we just wont a woman that makes us feel loved. Yeah, I said that! Yeah it's lame, but you know it's true. The only problem now is: where the fuck this ladies are? and also, are we sure we haven't found 'em already and we just screwed everything up?
We never surrend, that's the fact! Is it masochism? I don't think so. I think is just part of the pursuit of happyness. Sad to admit, but a man without a woman it's like batman without his belt: an idiot in tights. We need women, they make our lives less fucked up than they should. But still: does the perfect one exists?
I think she does, it's just hard to have the right amount of luck when we meet her and the strenght to fight for her if required by the situation. My worse nightmare is to have found her already, and to have wasted the opportunity to be perfect together.
How many perfect women will we meet in our life? I guess you are lucky if you find one in your whole life. You can fall in love how many times as you like, but if she's not the one, you'll know it from deep inside of you.
I don't know how many bullshits I wrote down tonight but now it's time to go to sleep over it, hoping she's doing the same thing somewhere in this world. I'll do my best to keep this blog updated as much as I can, have a good one folks.
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