I wish I had written more in the past year, but unfortunately I never had my mind fresh enough to do it. It's not like now I have it, but I need to express my frustration somehow now. At work things are not going well for many reasons that honestly I don't feel like writing down now. It's easier for me just to admit that anything is going well at the moment and the level of stress is so high from so long that I almost forgot how it is to feel good.
The main thing is that I try my best to keep every aspect of my life balanced, but the results are just more misunderstandings and consequentially more stress. It's not that I don't want to fight for what I want, it's just that there are so many battles to fight that I don't think I have the strenght to face them all at the same time.
It's not easy to stay with me or around me at the moment and also I don't ffeel like I'm totally understood by the people that should do that. It's not an accusation, it's just a fact. And I'm not blaming anyone of that, as I wrote before, it's not easy for anyone to be next to me now.
Going to the gym is the only thing that keeps my mind away from troubles at the moment and that's why it has become fundamental for me to keep working out as much as I can, because it's a matter of mental stability at the moment. The results for my body are good, slowly but constantly I'm reaching at least the target of a better appearence, a tiny satisfaction compared to the situation that my life has become.
Sharing a house has become a big issue at the moment, because even if I try to mediate between the two arguing components, I end up being in the middle and the messanger between the two parts. I like to have good relationships with everyone, but apparently this is not always possible, even if you are not directly involved it the argument, somebody will always try to take you in and to take a position. Is it so hard to understand that I don't have a position just because I don't care about the argument's topic?
Some people don't get that they can't fight for every single stupidity and they end up fighting on every single one of them, wich is , let's say "ok" if this doesn't turn somebody else's life into hell.
No one of the people in my life can be described as "bad", it's just that in this moment nobody seems to fit with my needs, wich doesn't mean that they have to cheer me up or something, but just that at the moment I feel like I'm not available to live all this stress coming from someone else's fights, being then unable to deal with my personal issues. I know it may sound selfish (and probably is), but I feel like I'm useless to everyone if I don't fix myself first.
